Welcome to Ray Flatt's Weekly BubbaGram

Just a friendly reminder, Sunday is Mother's Day (Mama's Day). A good time to reflect on memories of Mamas both living and departed. 

Bubba was thinking about his Mama Maybelle the other day. He had a very fond memory come through his mind of when he was seven years old. It was a memory of him watching his mama prepare breakfast. She was making up a batch of her famous cathead biscuits. He can't remember anyone being able to mak'em like she used to mak'em'. Not even his wife who has tried for over 30 years. In this memory she was placing the biscuits in the wood burn stove's oven (maybe that was part of the secret) when he noticed that her brown hair was beginning to show strands of gray hairs. 

Bubba asked his mama, "How come your hair is a changing colors?"

Mama Maybelle couldn't resist the opportunity to make a point and replied, "You know Bubba, every time you misbehave, I get to worrying how on earth your going to turn out when you grow up. Each time I worry causes one strand of my hair to turn gray. So help your dear mother out and don't misbehave. Do you understand what I'm telling you?"

Bubba paused to reflect on what his mama was saying. Then he replied, "Yes Moma I do, but you sure must of misbehaved a whole bunch when you were growing up, because Grandma's hair is completely gray."

No wonder some of us have a mental picture of God being a white headed old man. Is it possible that watching how we all are going to turn out could possibly do that to him. Don't think so.

If your still struggling to figure out what to give your Moma for Mother's Day, maybe a bottle of her favorite hair dye to cover up those gray hairs you given her. After all, just like the blood of Jesus covers our sins, your Moma has probably already forgiven you and blotted your misbehaving from her memory.

As Mama's Day rolls around we all like to think of a Mother's love. It is true there is no other love like it. Even though we don't think about it, one of the greatest expression of her love is when she worked extra hard to correct our bad habits often misunderstood as harping on us. She just wanted to direct our ways toward a path that she thought was the best for us.

As you read the next section (Moma-isms), you will probably hear in your memory many of the same words coming out of your Moma's mouth. If you're a mother, you probably have said many them as well. Just remember no matter how harsh you may have received them back then, they were all motivated by a Mother's love.

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Moma - isms --- things your mom always said (in alphabetical order).

A little "birdy" told me!
A little soap & water never killed anybody.
All I do is follow you around, picking up after you like some maid.
Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.
Am I talking to a brick wall?
Answer me when I ask you a question!
Are you deaf or something?
Are you going out dressed like that?
Are you lying to me?
Are your hands broken? Pick it up yourself! I'm not your maid!
As long as you live under my roof, you'll do as I say.
Be good.
Beds are NOT made for jumping on.
Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age.
Call me when you get there, just so I know you're okay.
Clean up after yourself!
Close the door! You don't live in a barn.
Cupcakes are NOT a breakfast food!
Did you brush your teeth?
Did you clean your room?
Did you comb your hair?
Did you flush?
Do as I say, not as I do.
Do you live to annoy me?
Do you think I'm made of money?
Do you think this is a hotel? You can't just come here only to sleep.
Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?
Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO.
Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.
Don't cross your eyes or they'll freeze that way.
Don't eat that, you'll get worms!
Don't EVER let me catch you doing that again!
Don't go out with a wet head, you'll catch cold.
Don't make me come in there!
Don't make me get up!
Don't pick that scab, it'll get infected.
Don't pick your nose in public.
Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been.
Don't run in the house.
Don't run with a lollipop in your mouth.
Don't sit too close to the television, it'll ruin your eyes.
Don't stay up too late!
Don't talk with your mouth full!
Don't use that tone with me!
Don't walk away when I'm talking to you!
Don't you have anything better to do?
Eat your vegetables, they're good for you.
Enough is enough!
Go ask your father.
Go play outside! It's a beautiful day!
Go to your room and think about what you did!
Going to a party? Leave a phone number in case I need to call.
Going to a party? Who's going to be there?
Going to a party? Will the parents be home?
How can you have nothing to wear? Your closet is FULL of clothes!
How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tasted it?
How many times do I have to tell you?
I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out!
I can always tell when you're lying.
I can't believe you can sleep in this filth!
I can't believe you did that!
I didn't ask who put it there, I said "Pick it up!"
I don't buy snacks to feed the neighborhood!
I don't care what "everyone" is doing. I care what YOU are doing!
I don't care who started it, I said stop!
I don't care who started it, YOU stop it!
I don't have to explain myself. I said no.
I don't know is NOT an answer.
I hope someday you have children just like you.
I hope you don't kiss me with that mouth!
I just want what's best for you.
I said CLOSE the door, I did not say SLAM it.
I will always love you - no matter what.
I would have never talked to MY mother like that!
If God had wanted you to have holes in your ears (eyebrows, tongue, etc.) He would have put them there!
If I catch you doing that one more time, I'll...
If I want your opinion I'll ask for it!
If it were a snake, it would have bitten you.
If I've told you once ... I've told you a thousand times.
If wishes were horses...
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.
If you could stay out last night, you can get up this morning.
If you don't clean your plate, you won't get any dessert.
If you don't do it NOW, then when are you going to do it?
If you don't stop crying, I am going to give you something to cry about!
If you stick your tongue out again it will fall off.
If you're too full to finish your dinner, you're too full for dessert.
If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play outside.
I'll treat you like an adult when you start acting like one.
I'm doing this for your own good.
I'm going to give you until the count of three...
I'm going to skin you alive!
I'm not always going to be around to do these things for you.
I'm not going to ask you again.
I'm not running a taxi service.
I'm not your cleaning lady!
I'm not your maid!
I'm not your waitress!
Is your homework finished?
Isn't it past your bedtime?
It's no use crying over spilt milk.
It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust everyone else.
I've had it up to here with you.
Leave your sister (brother) alone!
Life isn't fair.
Little pitchers have big ears.
Look at me when I'm talking to you.
Look at this room! It looks like a pigsty!
Money does NOT grow on trees.
Never try on anyone else's glasses or you'll go blind.
No child of MINE would do something like that.
No, I don't know where your socks are, its not my day to watch them!
Nobody asked you.
Now, come back downstairs and go back up WITHOUT stomping your feet!
Now, say you're sorry...and MEAN it!
Over my dead body!
Pick that up before somebody trips on it and breaks their neck!
Pick up your feet.
Put that down! You don't know where it's been!
Running away? Don't let the door hit you in the rear.
Running away? I'll help you pack.
Running away? Is that a threat or a promise?
Say that again and I'll wash your mouth out with soap.
Shut the door! I'm not heating (air conditioning) the entire neighborhood!
Shut your mouth and eat.
So it's raining? You're not sugar -- you won't melt.
So what if Bob's mom let him do it? If Bob's mom let him jump off the Empire State Building, would you want me to let you do it too?
Some day you will thank me for this. SMACK!!!
Someday your face will freeze like that
Someone is going to end up crying.
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
There's enough dirt in those ears to grow potatoes!
Think of those poor starving children in India... (or China, or Africa.)
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Turn off that light. Do you think we own the electric company?
Turn that racket (music) down!
Watch your language!
Watch your mouth!
Well, I haven't figured out how to cook "cold" yet.
Well, people in Hades want ice water, but do you see me with a PITCHER?
Well, people in Hell want ice water too!
Were you born in a barn? Close the door -- and DON'T slam it!
What did I say the FIRST time?
What do you think, money grows on trees?
What if everyone jumped off a cliff? Would you do it, too?
What kind of a grade is that? You could do much better!
What part of NO don't you understand?
When did your last slave die?
When I was a little girl...
When I was young we had respect for our elders, now look at the world!
When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, by myself, to go to school.
When I was your age...
When will you be back?
When you have kids of your own you'll understand.
When you have your own house then you can make the rules!
Where are you going?
Where do YOU think you're going?
Who are you going with? Do I know them?
Who died and left you boss?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you're talking to?
Who said life was going to be easy?
Who taught you THAT? You didn't learn that in this house!
Why? Because I SAID so, that's why!
Wipe your feet!
You are getting on my last nerve.
You can go out to play...after you brush your teeth and comb your hair.
You can go out to play...after you pick up your room.
You can go out to play...after you've done your homework.
You can't find it? Well, I can't find it for you - I didn't wear it!
You can't find it? Well, I can't find it for you - I'm not the maid!
You can't find it? Well, if you'd put things where they belonged, you wouldn't have this problem.
You can't find it? Well, where did you leave it last?
You can't judge a book by its cover.
You can't start the day on an empty stomach.
You could grow potatoes in those ears!
You could have called.
You don't always get what you want. It's a hard lesson, but you might as well learn it now.
You had better wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you.
You have an answer for everything, don't you?
You just ate an hour ago!
You kids are trying to drive me crazy!
You made your bed, now lie in it.
You must think rules are made to be broken.
You should have that phone surgically implanted in your ear.
You will ALWAYS be my baby.
You WILL eat it, and you WILL like it!
You won't be happy until you break that, will you?
You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your shoulders!
You'll understand when you're older.
Your father is going to hear about this when HE gets home!
You're going to put your eye out with that thing!
You're the oldest. You should know better.

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Old Jewish proverb, "God couldn't be everywhere, thus he invented mothers."

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That's all from BubbaLand, talk to ya next week. Like always, if you have something to share with the group, just drop me an email. Be sure to pass this BubbaGram on to friends, enemies and family. They to can join the list at www.rayflatt.com.

PS: If you got this eMail in error or would not like any future BubbaGrams (story on a weekly basis)...just send it back with the words UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject.