Welcome to Ray Flatt's Weekly BubbaGram July 12, 2006 Hope everyone had a "blast" on your July 4th holiday. I was talking to a local policeman about how his evening went. He said, "You just won't believe what happened that evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." I responded, "What happened?" The policeman continued, "I came across two guys down by the riverbank, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks." Amazed I replied, "Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them?" "Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other one off." OK, that might not be as good as "You might be Redneck if your lifelong goal is to own a fireworks stand.", but it does make the point that everything does have potential cause and effect. ----- Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a recent trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair." Enjoy your freedom, but so live your life that if Grandma Jones was called to the stand, you wouldn't be put on the defensive. Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1 Afterall, what the Son sets free, is free indeed. ----- 35 years ago - Then and Now. 1971: Long hair 2006: Longing for hair 1971: The perfect high 2006: The perfect high yield mutual fund 1971: KEG 2006: EKG 1971: Acid rock 2006: Acid reflux 1971: Moving to California because it's cool 2006: Moving to California because it's warm 1971: Growing pot 2006: Growing pot belly 1971: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2006: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 1971: Seeds and stems 2006: Roughage 1971: Popping pills, smoking joints 2006: Popping joints 1971: Killer weed 2006: Weed killer 1971: Going to a new, hip joint 2006: Receiving a new hip joint 1971: Rolling Stones 2006: Kidney Stones 1971: Being called into the principal's office 2006: Calling the principal's office 1971: Disco 2006: Costco 1971: Parents begging you to get your haircut 2006: Children begging you to get their heads shaved 1971: Taking acid 2006: Taking antacid 1971: Passing the drivers' test 2006: Passing the vision test 1971: Whatever 2006: Depends Freedom doesn't change, it only takes another viewpoint for us! ----- Received this past week. I haven't had a chance to fact check, but I don't have any reason to believe its not accurate: THE 4TH OF JULY Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence? Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died. Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured. Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War. They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor. What kind of men were they? Twenty-four were lawyers (not like the preious story) and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured. Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags. Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward. Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton. At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt. Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months. John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't. So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid. Whether you agree with the IRAQ war or not, remember: freedom is never free! ----- Bubba-ism of the week - "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." - Confucius ----- That's all from BubbaLand, talk to ya next week. Like always, if you have something to share with the group, just drop me an email. Be sure to pass this BubbaGram on to friends, enemies and family. They to can join the list at www.rayflatt.com. 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