Welcome to Ray Flatt's Weekly BubbaGram August 2, 2006 It sure has been hot this past week. We did a quick survey around the countryside to better understand the effect of the heat. Uncle Earl said, "It so hot the birds have been using potholders to pull worms out of the ground." Grandma Moses said, "It's so hot that the best parking space is determined by the shade and not the distance." Aunt Judy reminds us "It's so hot that hot water is coming out of both taps." Little Cousin Billy biggest worry is "It's so hot that if he gets knocked off his bicycle and ends up lying on the pavement, will he cook to death?" Uncle Bubba adds, "It's so that the trees are whistling for the dogs. But around our place, "It's so hot that we are feeding our chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs." Everyone I talked to the past few weeks thinks there must definitely be something to this "Global Warming" that Al Gore talks about. Yep, we all agree that Al's definitely been out in the sun way too long. ---- Speaking of the heat reminds me of the two young missionaries that were going door-to-door last summer in the heat of the day. They were having their typical day of having doors slammed in their face, having constant rejection, having the dogs turned loose on them, etc. Needless to say they were quite surprised when they knock on old man Jordan's door and he said, "You two fine young people seem mighty hot and tired. Why don't you come in an sit a spell?" The two young missionaries quickly accepted the invitation. Mr. Jordan inquired, "Is the air conditioning cool enough for you? Is it too hot or too cool?" The two missionaries assured him that it felt great just as it was. Then Mr. Jordan asked them to have a seat and offered, "You two look mighty thirsty. How about a Coke, ice tea, lemonade or ice water?" They both agreed that a glass of ice water would be greatly appreciated. Mr. Jordan returned from the kitchen with the ice water. Handed it to them. Then he sat down and looked them square in the eye and inquired, "Now what is it that you two fine young people want to talk about?" The both briefly stared at each other then turned back to Mr. Jordan and said, "We don't rightly know. We ain't ever been this far before." Kind know the feeling, don't you? ----- On the outskirts of town, there was a big, old pecan tree that been there for years just inside the cemetery fence. One hot summer day when Bubba and Earl were young they filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said young Bubba. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence. Another boy, little Steve came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. Steve slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew who and what it was. Steve jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met old Uncle Jessie with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said Steve, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls." Uncle Jessie said, "Beat it Steve, can't you see it's hard for me to walk." When Steve insisted though, Uncle Jessie hobbled slowly to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." Uncle Jessie whispered, "Steve, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord." Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. Uncle Jessie and Steve gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done." They say Uncle Jessie made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of Steve on the bike. When you through running your race anf the final dividin' is done, what kind of nut will you be? ----- Bubba-ism of the week - "Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads " ----- That's all from BubbaLand, talk to ya next week. Like always, if you have something to share with the group, just drop me an email. Be sure to pass this BubbaGram on to friends, enemies and family. They to can join the list at www.rayflatt.com. PS: If you got this eMail in error or would not like any future BubbaGrams (story on a weekly basis)...just send it back with the words UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject.