Welcome to Ray Flatt's Weekly BubbGarm August 9, 2006 Things are still hot. The latest is that it so hot that "The Devil is thinking of moving his headquarters to Nashville." Well summer's almost over, school is starting back and I hope you had time to take a vacation. For years I traveled for my job. I always thought my work was kinda like being on vacation. As you probably figured out by now, there's more than one Bubba in the world. To tell us apart we often add a name to our honored title of Bubba. For example, I call myself "Bubba Ray" to distinguish myself from other Bubbas honored with the same title. Thus, the following is a story about a fellow Bubba from over in North Carolina. For his vacation, he took a business trip. Bubba Bill, a furniture dealer from North Carolina, wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store. Although he had never traveled outside the USA, he decided to go to Paris to get some ideas. After arriving in the French city he met with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition he visited a small bistro and had a glass of wine. The small place was quite crowded, and he noticed that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language, so after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate, he took a napkin, drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up. Back at their table the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, Bubba Bill has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business. Whose says a picture is worth a thousand words. ----- News from Earl's house: Earl has 2 large Labrador Retrievers, thus he was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart. While standing in line, a woman behind Earl asked if he had a dog. On impulse, he told her no, but that he was starting The Purina Diet again, although he probably shouldn't because last time he ended up in the hospital. But since he had lost 50 pounds before he awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms, that he was going to try it again. He went on and told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. That the food is nutritionally complete, so he was going to try it again. Horrified, she asked if he ended up in the hospital in that condition because he had been poisoned. Earl told her no; it was because on this diet he was now prone to chase cars and last time he chase a car, it hit him. I think there's more truth to that story than meets the eye. ----- On the Public Service front, I got this message I feel compelled to pass on...especially if your getting a little older. I didn't write this (It's from a female perspective), but I certainly understand most of it. THIS KIND OF STUFF HAS GOT TO STOP IN OUR COUNTRY! We Must Stop This Immediately! Have you noticed that Stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection.........Well, REALLY NOW, even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here! All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities. PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED! Is the Truth what you perceive it to be, or is the Truth the Truth regardless. I think we all will agree, "The Truth shall set you Free!" ----- Bubba-ism of the week - "Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time." ----- That's all from BubbaLand, talk to ya next week. Like always, if you have something to share with the group, just drop me an email. Be sure to pass this BubbaGram on to friends, enemies and family. They to can join the list at www.rayflatt.com. PS: If you got this eMail in error or would not like any future BubbaGrams (story on a weekly basis)...just send it back with the words UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject.