Welcome to Ray Flattās Weekly BubbaGram August 16. 2006 Bubbas are always looking for new business opportunities. For example: Bubba and Billy Ray are from Arkansas visiting a relative in Texas. Walking along Sam Houston Street, they see a sign which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair." Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Ray, Look! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back to Arkansas, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl." They go in and Bubba says, "I'll take 50 suits at $5.00 each, 100 shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and ..." The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?" "Well ... yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?" The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners." Bubba reply, "Well that's great! We expected them to be clean. Go ahead and load em up!" When you got a one track mine, you sometimes miss the obvious. ------- Bubbas like to take special vacations. For Example: Bubba and Earl are two avid hunters who got a pilot to take them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they were loading them on the plane to come home, the pilot tells them the plane can only carry four. The two good old boys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours." Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six animals were loaded. Unfortunately, even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down a few moments after takeoff. Climbing out of the wreck Bubba asked Earl, "Any idea where we are?" "Yeah, I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year." See, if you keep on doing what you always done, then you'll keep on getting what you've always got. ----- And you think you've got problems. Look at this: Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. I have some Southern folks up here in Heaven who are causing some problems ... They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, barbecue sauce is all over their robes, ham hock, sparerib, and pig feet bones are all over the streets of gold. Some folks are walking around with one wing. They have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds all over the clouds. Some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying it is messing up their hair! The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call Lucifer." The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Oh, hold on!" The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?" The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there." The Devil said, "Wait one minute!" and puts the Lord on Hold. After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back again. Now, what was the question?" The Lord said, "I said, what kind of problems are you having down there?". The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this..... hold on........., Lord"!!!! This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Southerners done put the fire out, and are trying to install air conditioning!" Sometimes you just need to be yourself and it gives the Devil fits. ----- Bubba-ism of the week - "A merry heart does good like a medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones." Proverb 22:19 (NKJV) ---- That's all from BubbaLand, talk to ya next week. Like always, if you have something to share with the group, just drop me an email. Be sure to pass this BubbaGram on to friends, enemies and family. They to can join the list at www.rayflatt.com. PS: If you got this eMail in error or would not like any future BubbaGrams (story on a weekly basis)...just send it back with the words UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject.