Welcome to Ray Flatt's Weekly BubbaGram

August 23, 2006

Bubba's Son Junior and Earlās boy Billy Bob started a construction company. On their first project they made out a list of materials and went into town to buy the materials. Their first stop was the lumber yard.

Billy Bob went to the sales counter and stated, "I need some of them 4 x 2s."

The counterman replied, "I believe you mean 2 x 4s."

After going out to the truck and conferring with Junior, Billy Bob returned and said "Yep, make them 2 x 4s."

The counterman then asked "How long do you want them?"

Billy Bob went back to the truck for more consultation, returned and responded, "Junior said we need them for a very long time, after all we are building a garage that we plan on it lasting for quite a while."

After the counterman got the understanding that long meant length, not duration of time, he asked one more question about the wood, "What Grade?"

Billy Bob answered proudly, "I finished third grade myself, but Junior has graduated from the eighth grade."

I guess that what it means by "Lean not on your own understanding".

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After Bubba had raised Junior and six other boys, life just wasn't the same. It seemed like life didn't have a purpose or meaningful goal (after all he still didn't have grandchildren yet). Guess it was a bad case of empty nest syndrome.

One day when he was standing in line at the local grocery store, he over heard a distraught Mom telling the cashier that she was at "wits end". That she had a little boy that no matter what she did, he just couldn't be pleased. Getting a divine revelation, a calling from his meaningless life, Bubba spoke up and offered, "Madam, I've had a lifetime of raising boys. If you will loan me your son for a few days, I think I can change his outlook on life." After reassurances from the cashier that Bubba was NOT some kind of pervert, the Mom agreed to let her son Billy Joe (BJ for short) spend the day with Bubba.

Bubba had just got home with BJ, when BJ starting throwing a fit (fit is southern for tantrum).

Bubba asked, "BJ, what's the problem?"

BJ stated, "I'm hungry."

Bubba replied, "No problem", then Bubba went into the kitchen and fixed hamburgers, hotdogs and French fries - all the things he thought little boys liked. He then proudly presented them to BJ.

BJ exploded, "That's not what I wanted!" and continued to throw his fit.
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Bubba calmly responded, "BJ, Iām so sorry. I should have asked you what you wanted to eat. What is it that you want to eat?"

BJ became a litter quieter then responded, "I'd like a red worm." For you city folks, that's an earthworm commonly used for fishing.

Bubba said, "No problem." He went out in the back yard. Bubba turned over a few rocks. Found little ones, fat ones, short ones, long ones, in other words a large a variety to chose from. Washed (cleaned) them off and placed them on a plate in front of BJ.

BJ exploded, "What's this? Don't you know I wanted them cooked?"

Bubba not to let this young brat get the best of him patiently responded and asked, "BJ, I'm so sorry. How do you want them cooked? Baked, Broiled, Fried or Grilled?"

BJ answered, "Fried."

Not to fall into BJ's trap, Bubba continued to get more specifications for preparing the worms by asking, "Do you want them plain or battered?

BJ answered, "Battered."

Bubba asked for even more clarification, "Is that battered in flour or cornmeal?"

BJ answered, "Flour."

Bubba continued, "Is that fried in cooking oil or lard?"

Being a city boy, BJ answered, "Cooking oil. I prefer peanut oil."

Bubba responded, "I've got it." Then Bubba let BJ pick out the ones her wanted cooked. He slide a stool over to the kitchen counter for BJ to watch him batter the worms. With BJ's approval of the battering, they then moved the stool over to the stove to let BJ supervise the cooking of the worms. Bubba wanted to be sure that he didn't under cook or over cook the worms. At BJ's direction, he removed them from the frying pan and placed them on a plate. 

Bubba then placed the plate on the table in front of BJ. BJ let out a scream and refused the worm meal.

Bubba getting somewhat frustrated asked, "What's the problem now?"

BJ answered, "Bubba, I want you to taste it first."

Bubba grabbed up a knife and fork. Cut the properly prepared and cooked peanut oil fried flour battered red worm in half. Then scooped up one half of it with the fork and ate it in one quick bite."

BJ fit escalated.

Bubba loudly and angrily asked, "What's the problem now?"

BJ answered, "You ate the wrong half of the worm."

After a lifetime of working in retail, customer service, sales, and tech support, I can tell you there are just some people that not matter to what degree you go, they'll lead you to the point of eating the wrong half of the worm. 

I guess that's one of the reasons God talks so much about forgiveness and turning the other cheek.

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Bubba-ism of the week ö "If reincarnation is real, I'm coming back as a customer."

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