Welcome to Ray Flatt's Weekly BubbaGram

August 30, 2006


Bubba and Earl were doing some landscaping work for a University of Tennessee professor. While taking a break, they engaged in a little small talk with the professor. The professor proudly declared that he had his PHD hanging on the wall of his office.

Bubba said that sounded kinda strange to him. After all, he had two PHDs hanging up in his basement.

The professor was even more perplexed than Bubba, and stated that he thought the basement sounded like more of a strange place to him to keep your PHDs.

Bubba replied, "Professor, where I come from we keep our Post Hole Diggers out of sight in the basement unless we intend to use em'."

Sounds like in getting his PHD, the professor wasn't taught how to communicate with the Bubbas and Earls of the world. A part of communication is speaking the same language.

-----

Aunt May's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman named Jethro. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told Jethro, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check."

She added, "Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When Jethro arrived at Aunt May's house the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching Jethro as he went about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally Jethro couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

Another part of communicate is listening, understanding and following instructions.

-----

Harvey and Gladys: 

Harvey and Gladys are getting ready for bed.  Gladys is standing in front of her full-length mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself. 

"You know, Harvey, " she comments."I stare into this mirror and I see an ancient creature. My face is all wrinkled, my bosom sags so much that it dangles to my waist, my arms and legs are as flabby as popped balloons, and my butt looks like a sad, deflated version of the Hindenburg!" 

She turns to face her husband and says, "Dear, please tell me just one positive thing about my body so I can feel better about myself." 

Harvey studies Gladys critically for a moment and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well there's nothing wrong with your eyesight." 

He never heard the shot. 

Finally, communication is about thinking before you respond. The good Lord gave us two eyes, two ears, only one brain and only one mouth. Guess he meant for us to watch and listen twice as much as we are to think and speak.

-----

Bubba-ism of the week - " Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other one is always a husband."

-----

Please pass this along to friends (and enemies). You or they can subscribe or unsubscribe at www.rayflatt.com