Welcome to Ray Flatt's Weekly BubbaGram September 20, 2006 Words are curious things. A couple of weeks ago I sent out an email to my sons titled "Your Mom Passed". I was referring to an important certification test she took and passed on the first try. One of my sons called to my attention that the title could have been interpreted another way. Wouldn't have been so bad, but he thought I seems too excited about the outcome. This past week the Pope quoted an historical figure in regard to the age long conflict with Islam. The old quote basically said that only evil was derived from Islam. Is it just me or wasn't it ironic that those that it angered the most responded in evil ways help making his point? Funny how the truth can do that sometimes. Guess the old saying of "If the shoe fits, wear it.", has some merits. Go Pope. But then again words can be mis-understood. For example, Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay." ----- Public Service Announcement: Living Wills - Make sure others know what you want. While I was watching the football games this past weekend, my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. She got up, took away my remote control, unplugged the TV and threw out all my cold beverages. ----- For those of you following all the recent translations, paraphrases and interpretation of the Bible scriptures, the following is taken from an new Cajun version: The Ten Commandments in Cajun... (Keeps it REAL Simple) 1. God is number one... And das' All. 2. Don't pray to nuttin' or nobody... Jus' God. 3. Don't cuss nobody... 'specially DA Good Lord. 4. When it be Sunday... Pass yo'self by the church house. 5. Yo mama an' yo daddy dun did it all... Lissen to dem. 6. Killin' duck an' fish, das' OK... People - No! 7. God done give you a wife... Sleep wit' jus' her. 8. Don't take nobody's boat... Or nuttin' else. 9. Don't go wantin' somebody's stuff. 10. Stop lyin'... Yo tongue gonna fall out yo mouf! ----- Stay with this -- the answer is at the end. It will blow you away. One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and just things in general. The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before: ' television ' penicillin ' polio shots ' frozen foods ' Xerox ' contact lenses ' Frisbees and ' the pill There were no: ' credit cards ' laser beams or ' ball-point pens Man had not invented: ' pantyhose ' air conditioners ' dishwashers ' clothes dryers ' and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and ' man hadn't yet walked on the moon How Old Is Grandpa ? Your Grandmother and I got married first, . . and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, "Sir". And after I turned 25, I still called every man older than me, "Sir" We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios. And I don't ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan' on it, it was junk. The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam. Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee was unheard of. We had 5&10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon. Furthermore, in my day: ' "grass" was mowed, ' "coke" was a cold drink, ' "pot" was something your mother cooked in and ' "rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby. ' "Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office, ' "chip" meant a piece of wood, ' "hardware" was found in a hardware store and ' "software" wasn't even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am? I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock! Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time. This man would be only 59 years old or in his early 60's. ----- Bubba-ism of the week: " If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. " ----- Please pass this along to friends (and enemies). You or they can subscribe or unsubscribe at www.rayflatt.com